ME (or) MYSELF (or) I...

          Finding myself Fucked up in the Power Systems class, wrote in my hands "SADIST"... Don't know why I did so... Anyway I don't hurt someone and don't play with their feelings. Instead takes initiative to ease their pain.. But my pain n dark secrets are bounded in de heart that it wont fly into the air. With all these in mind, combined with  alot of ill thoughts i thrive. Don't know why my moods go worse when i'm alone 'n my thoughts go bizzare, I couldn't come to reality. I always live in the world of my own design where the image of people are ones who came across my life, but they perform as my wishes or my dreams or an inception. May be that would be the place my thoughts n happiness comes into reality. "What happened to me?"...  "Why didn't i do something to make myself happy?"... May be making myself happy will cost me more... Sometimes the reader would be going crazy thinking what a kind of person I am.....

         Anything and Everything around me looks the same... all are yellow... atleast i could see them in black and white rather than colour... Bcoz i can expect only that much from this world.. My likes are at infinite distant while dislikes are close. My sadness is at a hand distant 'n happiness a mirage.. When i'm in a pursuit of something, thinking of getting immense pleasure, and when success runs after me, I feels "Itz not my path. not my vision, not my world...... Not at all mine...."

My likes are my love... when i'm deep in it finds myself abandoned. All I love, the person, the things, even my desires leaves me without a reason.... In this late moments of writing all the shared thoughts comes to my mind with a strong and hard reason to remind me that these what i'm writing is worthless... Gives me a back pull  and asks me not to write....... my hands stops writing for this time...................



                                                                                                                  ALLEN JEOFFREY.